Learning ways to destress from life, work, and parenting is challenging. Gentle parenting is a job you can do little to prepare for, and most of your learning is on the fly. However, I believe it’s worth the time, effort, and work to parent your children in a more positive way. Do I do it perfectly myself? Absolutely not. Even though I am striving to be a better parent every day, I still yell and lose my temper, too, even though I prioritize being patient with my children. I still mess up – a lot.
Self-care is a huge part of the gentle parenting process. When I take the time to care for my own emotional and mental health, I’m much more patient with my family, and I am able to parent with more compassion. Taking time for yourself and finding ways to destress can prevent you from flipping your lid when kids are just being kids—they are little humans who make mistakes, too. If you are currently operating at an 8 or 9 stress level regularly, it won’t take much to cause you to lose your patience completely.
On your parenting journey, learning to care for your own emotional and mental health and prioritizing ways to destress is essential for maintaining patience and compassion with your children. In the parenting process, don’t forget to take care of yourself and try to do something for yourself every day – even if it’s only for a few minutes. Here are some quick ways to help you de-stress on a regular basis.
proven ways to destress from motherhood
- Make yourself smile or laugh. Laughing and smiling are important tools to combatting stress, even if you have to make yourself do it. While it may sound incredibly simple, smiling helps your body produce dopamine and serotonin. Perhaps, even more shockingly, according to Ron Gutman, author of Smile: The Astonishing Powers of a Simple Act, “researchers found that one smile can generate the same level of brain stimulation as up to 2,000 bars of chocolate.” [1] That’s a lot of chocolate! Instead of reaching for a Hershey’s bar when you’re stressed or overwhelmed – smile. Smiling is a superpower – you can use it to help yourself destress, or, since it’s contagious, you can help those around you by giving them a smile.
- Ground yourself. When I’m losing my patience, I use grounding techniques frequently. How do you ground yourself? After reading “The Power of Patience” by MJ Ryan, I started using her technique. I envision a light going around my core, which helps me find my breath and find my center.[2] For me, this technique helps when my children are pushing my buttons.
- Sit up or stand up straight. Having good posture helps you relax and makes you feel more confident. Walking around with your shoulders slumped will make you feel more stressed and anxious. Even if you don’t feel confident in the moment, walking with better posture will instantly give you a confidence boost.
- Be aware of your body. When you’re being triggered, notice the parts of your body that are tensing up and acknowledge what is causing your body to tense up. It all starts with awareness. Relax those parts of your body that are tense, and take notice of the circumstances when tightness and tension happens to you. Personally, my jaw clenches and my back and shoulders tense up when I start to feel stressed, or when my children are becoming chaotic and dysregulated. When I realize I’m getting tense, I take a deep breath and try to “send” the breath to those parts of my body.
Destress By Movement
- Stretch. Another way to combat body tightness or tension is to stretch. Stretching the body requires you to slow down, which we all need to do in our hectic lives. We can get so caught up in work, housekeeping, cooking, bills, getting our families places on time, and taking care of everyone else – all of the rushing around and completing tasks builds up in our bodies.
- Take a walk. If you can squeeze it in, take a 20-30 minute walk each day. Taking some time to take a walk can help you release tension, get some fresh air in your lungs, and clear your mind. Your body will also produce lots endorphins from the movement and exercise. Taking a walk is something you can do with your family – with a stroller, bikes, or your children can walk with you. Plus, if you’re outside, you and your family can get some much-needed Vitamin D that will help make all of you feel better.
- Clean or declutter a room, drawer, or closet. Unfortunately, clutter and messes are both linked to higher stress levels and depression.[3] Being in a place that has too much clutter can be overwhelming and cause cortisol and stress to rise in the body. Cleaning and decluttering are some of the best ways to destess, which is one reason there’s been a huge movement in decluttering and organization in recent years. The truth is, clutter makes us feel out of control, and cleaning and decluttering your space can give you back a sense of control. It also increases your focus, as you aren’t distracted by all of the incomplete projects around the house or on your desk. The next time you’re feeling stressed, start cleaning or decluttering. You will feel better about your surroundings, you’ll gain a sense of control and order, and you’ll be more focused, leading to less stress all around in your life.
Destress by RElaxation
- Drink some tea. As I was writing this blog post, I started noticing myself tensing up. I stopped writing and made myself some tea. The warmth helped relax my body, and now, the words are flowing much more easily.
- Draw, paint, or color. Creating art can help your emotional state by accessing your state of flow, and it’s been known to decrease cortisol in the body. Even if you’re terrible at art! Practicing all kinds of art also helps you get into your feelings, both consciously and unconsciously. [4] It allows you to have an emotional release when other things in your life may be causing overwhelm and stress. So pick up a pen and start doodling, painting or coloring to access the benefits of art in your life. Best of all, you can also do arts and crafts with your children.
Incorporating these ways to destress into your routines can make a huge difference in your life and mental health. I can personally vouch for each one, having experienced their benefits firsthand. Remember, if you ever find yourself unable to break free from stress and anxiety, don’t hesitate to reach out for professional support or therapy. Your well-being is worth every effort.
[1] Ron Gutman. The Hidden Power of Smiling. TED. March 2011. https://www.ted.com/talks/ron_gutman_the_hidden_power_of_smiling
[2] Ryan, MJ. (June 2021). The Power of Patience. Conari Press.
[3] Gordan, Sherri. (2023 April 3). The Connection Between Decluttering, Cleaning, and Mental Health. Verywellmind. l https://www.verywellmind.com/how-mental-health-and-cleaning-are-connected-5097496.
[4] Handler Ph.D., Joan Cusack. (2020 August 12). Art as a Path to Emotion. Psychology Today. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/art-and-science/202008/art-path-emotion
