The Power of Connecting with your Child
One aspect of parenting that is often neglected in parenting advice is the true power of connecting with your child. Have you ever wondered, what if I screw up raising my child? What if I’m not good at this parenting thing after all? It’s natural for moms to feel this way about parenting and raising young children. Raising little humans is a tremendous job. But what if I told you that building a connection with your child was one of the best things you can do to help your child thrive?
While there are many different parenting methods out there, being present for your child and showing up in their lives is one of the single best things you can do for them. Children who feel secure in their attachment to a parent or guardian tend to have better outcomes in their adult lives.
According to Daniel J. Siegel, MD and Tina Payne Bryson, PhD in the book, The Power of Showing Up, “Parenting is about simply being present for our kids…research on child development clearly demonstrates that one of the very best predictors for how any child turns out – in terms of happiness, social and emotional development, leadership skills, meaningful relationships, and even academic and career success—is whether they developed security from having at least one person who showed up for them.”
As parents with busy lives and careers, we often get caught in a cycle of a fast-paced life, fear, or even survival. When we’re just trying to get through each day, it can be incredibly difficult to make sure you’re fully engaging with your child. As parents, one of our primary goals should be taking the time to just BE with our child.
My Story: The Power of Connecting with your child
Working in child care, I’ve seen these cycles happen with families frequently. And it’s heartbreaking, and it’s one of the reasons I’ve created Happy Little Moments. Unfortunately, parents are so busy trying to survive and provide for their families that they miss the point. Connection with you means everything to your child.
To be honest, I experienced this firsthand when I first opened my child care center. During those first few years of opening a small business, I just needed to survive. I couldn’t disconnect from my worries and fears, and I couldn’t stop. When I was at the center from sun up to sun down, it was extremely challenging to find those moments where I could be completely present with my children. I could be there physically for them, but being there emotionally was difficult.
During this difficult time, it took a lot of reading, journaling, and self-reflection to realize where I wasn’t showing up and how I could be better for my children.
Thankfully, you’re here, you want to make a difference in the life of your child, and you want to be the best parent you can be. Otherwise, you wouldn’t be reading this blog post. Even if you haven’t been fully present for your child lately, you CAN change and find moments to be a present parent. Don’t wait for the weekend. Do it today and every day you are able.
Children in a million different ways are asking, “Do you see me? Do you hear me? Please…pay attention to me.” It’s your presence in those moments that matter.
As a parent, it’s crucial to find time every day when your child gets your full one-on-one, undivided attention. If you can, it’s best if you can cross over into their world of play to do it. Take the time to participate in whatever they want to do and take time to just BE with them.
As you’re learning to be fully present with them, shoot for at least 20-30 minutes of one-on-one time every day with each of your children. More time is even better, of course, but do whatever it takes to give a few minutes of your time to each child every day.
Connection time with your child will help your child feel important, boost their confidence, and build your relationship with your child. This is the true power of connecting with your child.
Why is connecting with your child so difficult?
Now you know how important connection is, but why do many of us find it so difficult?
- First of all, creating connection with our children may be difficult because it may not have been modeled for us. Many of our parents had their own worries, fears, and traumas and simply weren’t able to be as present as they would have liked. As a result, their example was passed onto us, causing us to continue the cycle.
- In our busy professional lives, we get so wrapped up in our work that it can be difficult to fully disconnect from it. Work is often at home or on our computers and phones. Or it can be the chores that need to be done around the house that makes it challenging for us to be present. Personally, I still fight this urge to be productive all of the time every day. I love to work. I love to be productive. I love having a clean house. Sometimes, it’s a challenge to just be present and in the moment with my family. But I’m working at it every day because I know the power of connecting with my children.
- Unfortunately, being in “survival mode” can also rob us of our presence with our families both physically and psychologically. If you feel stuck in survival mode, you may need to find ways to get yourself out of it. Exercise, meditate, read a book, give yourself some much-needed self-care, or even make an appointment with a therapist, if necessary. But most importantly, find a way to get out of the survival cycle. This is for your child as well as for yourself.
What do you do if you're struggling to be present?
If you’re really struggling with being fully present for your child, here’s a few tips you can try:
- Start a mindfulness practice. Meditation, yoga, or journaling can help you break out of your current mental state. Remember, this is a practice so you don’t have to be perfect in your practice. Over time, being present and in the moment will get easier with a regular mindfulness practice.
- Put the phones, computers, and tablets away. While our phones have made our lives more dynamic, phones have also taken away our ability to be fully present with each other. Turn it off and put it in a drawer for a while every day to disconnect from technology and be present and in the moment.
- Commit to practicing being present with your child on a daily basis. If you have trouble, start with 5 or 10 minutes and build it up to at least 20 minutes each day. Before long, you’ll begin to crave these moments with your child, and you’ll want to spend more time being present with them.
No matter where you are in your motherhood journey, please remember that being fully present for your child and showing up for them is a huge step in the right direction. Even though it may be challenging at first, it’s something we can all do with a little practice. We all want our children to feel happy, loved, and secure. Connection is the first and most important step.
